Dear Alcoholic, I have a lot of feelings concerning you and your behavior, and I’ve been working towards not being so angry with you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not letting your alcoholism be an excuse for your actions, I … Continue reading
Sometimes it’s not the pain you are experiencing that is so troubling, it’s not knowing what is causing the pain. For two weeks now, my face has been red, peeling, and in extreme pain. On that stupid pain scale they … Continue reading
My recent allergic reaction has gotten MUCH better but has left me very red faced. Like you know when something EXTREMELY embarrassing happens and you turn 30 shades of red? That is me. Constantly. While it is still burning and … Continue reading
At 4am this morning I was rudely awakened by someone punching me in the jugular. That someone was me, assisted by my right fist. You know that stage of sleep where you are not quite awake and not quite asleep, where you often startle yourself completely awake? Well my “startling awake” was more of a “flailing of the limbs”…leading to a fancy right hook into my neck.
For the next hour I sat awake wondering how hard of a punch it would take to collapse someone’s airway (curiosity + anxiety + exhaustion makes me ponder morbid things like this). When I was little I was standing on a chair and it slipped out from under me. I fell neck first into the top of the chair and severely hurt my jugular. For a week straight it felt like there was a golf ball stuck in my throat. My mom was great and not once said “I told you not to stand on chairs” because Lord knows she was thinking it!
My 4am fight club with myself turned out okay though. I got to peruse Facebook, delete emails, and find one of the best series of photographs I have seen to date. If there is ever a reason to have a child, this is it. This dad is my hero!
I always try to find the silver lining in situations no matter how inconvenient or helpless they may seem. Here is tonight’s attempt.
I hate how you make me feel full when I’m not even halfway done with my food. I like how you (usually) keep me from overeating and therefore gaining weight.
I hate how you keep me from working out. I like how you give me an excuse to be lazy.
I hate how you drain my energy. I like the excuse to take lots of naps and watch every imaginable tv series on Netflix.
I hate how you make my belly hurt about 15 days out of the month. I like having an excuse to use a heating pad 15 days out of the month. It’s so warm and cozy mmmmmm.
I hate how big you are. I am thankful that I don’t look pregnant.
I hate how nauseous you make me 24/7. Im glad you don’t give me headaches. Nausea is better than a headache in my book.
I hate how you mess with my hormones. I like the excuse to cry over puppies, sappy commercials, and delicious food.
I hate how I think about you and talk about you way more than I probably should. I’m thankful my friends and family are always there to listen and offer support. I know they’ve GOT to be tired of hearing about it.
I hate how I talk to you/about you like you are a real person. I like referring to you as Tamara. It’s so much prettier than “my hemorrhagic cyst.”
I hate your guts. I’m glad you aren’t permanent.
I wish you didn’t exist. I’m thankful you’re not cancer.
Day 2 of my new gluten free lifestyle is complete! I have decided that I am sick of having to use steroid cream every single day to control my eczema and am going to try cutting out gluten. My little sister who also suffers from eczema has done this and has experienced wonderful results. My mom and another one of my sisters also have a gluten intolerance, so the likelihood that gluten is causing my eczema flare is very high.
This past weekend I developed a gnarly rash on my face that I am pretty sure is a RESULT of the eczema steroids I use. It’s so unfair isn’t it? The one thing that helps my eczema suddenly decides to stop working and actually make it worse. I’m trying to stay positive, but the fact that I want to burst into tears every time I look in the mirror doesn’t help.
Cutting out gluten won’t be hard for me. I already live a life devoid of eggs, seafood, nuts, and certain preservatives. Why not add gluten to the list?! If nothing else it will be a hell of a diet plan!
When I told Isaac about my decision to go gluten free, I’m not sure how I was expecting him to respond. I thought it would be something along the lines of “are you sure you want to do that? You are already so limited in what you can eat.” Instead he thought for a minute, gave his little devilish grin, and said “does this mean I can eat all of the chips, bread, and crackers in the house? They are all mine?”
That is what I love about Isaac. He constantly brings humor to situations that are…not humorous. When I am feeling depressed and frustrated by one of my physical/allergy limitations, he always finds a way to bring my anxiety down a level and make me laugh. I think that having someone in your life who can clear the fog and keep you from taking yourself too seriously is invaluable. I am lucky enough to be marrying that person.
How I thought today was going to go: Wake up, work at the school from 8-5, work at the restaurant from 5-11, come home, relax with Isaac, sleep. How today actually went: Woke up at 6:30am sobbing because of abdominal … Continue reading
This morning’s transition into the real world after 9 days on vacation was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I generally like routine, so slipping back into my 4:30 am wake up call to hit … Continue reading